I really enjoyed your story about the bird dog and the eagle. Well, I did not enjoy the part where all the baby birds were tricked and killed, but you get my point. When it got to the last paragraph, I thought it was your authors note by mistake. I was pleased to find out that the story did not end with the mother bird begging to be killed. You wrote this perfectly. It wasn't over the top and it kept me interested. It was simply a good story. Were the other trees that much better that the baby birds wanted to go so desperately? Or, was it the dog who convinced the first baby bird by talking up the new trees a lot. I cannot imagine the trees would have been too different, but that's a small bone to pick. But, its feedback so I have to write something to reach 150 words. Also, what if the mother bird somehow killed the dog? She probably couldn't do it by force. However, since he tricked her babies, maybe she could trick him into his own death. Overall this was a great read!
Hey Andrew! I just wanted to start off by saying I loved your story! For my first portfolio story I also did a remake of the story "The Cunning Crab and The Crane." However for mine, I replaced the fish with mice and the crane with cats. I really enjoyed the perspective that you brought to the story! The dialogue that you included between the characters really allowed me to dive into the story and relate to the characters. I was devastated when the dog started killing baby birds though... I was also wondering about what was going through the mother birds mind? Perhaps in another story you can talk from the perspective of the mother bird and go into what she was feeling throughout the story. However, overall, I believe you wrote a great story! I can see you put a lot of hard work and imagination into your writing. I hope you have a great weekend and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your semester! Keep up the good work!
WOW Andrew, what a story this was. Right off the bat the stories banner at the top was intriguing and foreshadowed the story great. This story was very descriptive and when you said “the mother bird wanted to migrate to a better tree with more foliage” I was able to picture it in my head. I wonder how the mother bird felt when she found out her babies had been killed by the bird dog? Maybe this can be added to the story, such that you just mention it saying the mother bird was devastated. What if you went into more detail of how the bird dog killed the baby birds. I think that would give some visual additives to the story and could make it even better than it already is! This truly was a great story and I look forward to reading your future stories on your portfolio web page!
Hi Andrew, I really enjoyed your story! The way you started out with vivid imagery of the red bud tree hooked me. Also, switching to birds from the original story made them seem more gentle. This makes the reader really sympathize with the birds. I also liked how you made the moral very clear at the end. Being direct can be very useful! However, I am wondering why the mother bird agreed to go with the bird dog if she knew what had happened? Maybe, she knew he had taken her babies but not killed them? This part is a little unclear. I am also wondering where the eagle fits into this story. Does the eagle know the mother bird and the dog? How does he know what is happening? However, the way he just happens upon them and helps without any incentive may also serve to develop the eagles character. Good story!
Hey Andy, Fist off the pie thieves was a great story! You really tied the plot from the Narayans Mahabharata perfectly. I was really impressed how close you got it to the original plot with the two boys stealing the pie from the window and not listening to what they should have been doing and connecting it to the brothers drinking from the lake without doing as told. Then in both scenarios being punished. What if when the brother brought the slices of pie back for the brothers their punishment was that they could not taste the pie in the same ways they tasted it previously. And that their punishment was Mrs. Jones pies would never taste the same to them again. Also what if when the boys were about to take some of the pie their conscience spoke to them but they decided not to listen. Anyways this was a great story and I look forward to seeing its progression!
I just looked over your portfolio website, and I was quite impressed. The layout is easy to navigation, which I really like. Also, I think that your choice of visuals very cleaver. For example, the image of the dog and the eagle automatically set them up as adversaries. I think it was a nice touch. You did such a good job with details on "The Bird Dog and the Eagle." I had no problem visualizing the environment or the animals. "The Pie Thieves" was just as good. I enjoyed the changes you made, it is so original. You do a good job about keeping the purpose of the original story intact. It is a nice testing of character story. I am curious about what the brothers' names are. Overall, my have done an amazing job, and I look forward to reading more of your stories. Good luck on the rest of your semester.
Your website looks very clean and it is easy on the eyes which is what I like. I enjoyed reading your story. I liked how your did not have a lot going being then the page may look messy. You also picked a good image for your story. With this picture the readers can just know who the characters in this story are. I also like that you kept your title straight forward there is no need to guess what the story is going to be about. It was sad when the dog started taking one bird at a time and the poor birds did not know what was really going on. One thing you can make clear is why the mother went with the dog when she knew he has taken her babies? Did the mother assume they were still alive? Over all you have written a good story. I look forward to reading more.
Hi Andrew! Your first story was very creative and I liked how you made it your own. I had some problems with the mother bird though, because I wasn't sure if she knew the truth of what the bird dog had done to her children and was baiting him or if she was also a victim of being deceived. I think that could be a little more clear. I also didn't quite get the bird dog being viewed as the deceived in the end, but maybe that is just a byproduct of not quite understanding the mother bird' role. In your second story, I like that it contains the usual right versus wrong fable ending where there is a lesson to be learned. It is the type of story that is classic and forever endearing. I do think you could have made the connection to the Mahabharata just a little more obvious. Also your author's note calls the brothers "they" as opposed to the Pandavas brothers so I had to infer that is who you were talking about. I did really like the twist you made to the story - it was very creative and original.
Hey Andrew! I really enjoyed reading your portfolio and found your stories quite intriguing. I liked your story The Pie Thieves and how close it was to the original plot about the brothers at the lake. I think you did a good job changing it from the original story, but still keeping the overall plot and moral the same. I loved how one of the younger brothers was carrying a fork when they were about to sneak some pie. Also, I wander how the younger brothers felt after they got in trouble because their older brother would still bring home some pie. Also, towards the end of your story maybe you can add a part were the younger boys try to explain themselves on why they didn't just ask Mrs. Jones for some pie. That part could relate to the original to were the brothers reasoning of ignoring the voice and just drank the water in the lake. Overall you did a great job!
I am leaving another post about your project website. The first comment was about your other two stories "The Bird Dog and the Eagle", and "The Pie Thieves." I just finished reading your second story and I really like it. It was so sad, but I always like a good cautionary tale. The image you used helped set the scene up nicely. Also, the amount of detail you put into the story helped me visualize the environment Leroy was hunting in. I felt bad for Leroy and the other hunter. So what happens next? I was wondering Leroy's planned to do. Did the hunter survive? The ending is definitely a cliffhanger. Will you write another story about the events that follow? I look forward reading to your next story. So far you are doing an amazing job.
Sup Andy! All I honestly wanted to say was that you did an amazing job for your Portfolio project! I definitely appreciate that you put a description/story list about your project on your home page. The image for your homepage looks great overall! It’s basic and clean but not too messy. I also love the stories that you have created for your portfolio. The images for all three of your stories captures the audience’s interest. It gives a better visual for the audience to take before they start reading your story. I also love how you created The Bird Dog and the Eagle and turned it into a script! Creating a script for your story is, overall, the best thing because that could show the author’s personality and interests which makes it more exciting. Overall, I love the plot of your story that the deceiver will eventually become the deceived because it makes sense! Overall, you did an excellent job. Keep up the great work, Andy!
Hi Andrew, first off, the count down clock is great, and I like how you've synced up Twitter to your blog. While I had the chance to really all three of your stories, one that really stuck out with me was the hunting story. It's almost a requirement to wear something to distinguish yourself from the game (such as Hunter's Orange), but even more interestingly, I think it gives us all a shared sense of responsibility. The hunter likely should have double checked before he shot, and I think this more modern retelling is a great way to show individual mistake and guilt. I would be interested in seeing what else happens next, but overall, this was a great story! I also really liked the bird dog story. I was curious as to why they trusted him so soon, but I think this was more of a problem that I had with the original story, and not necessarily the retelling of it. I hope you have a great semester!
Hey Andrew! I went through and looked at your portfolio page. I read through all your stories, and I really enjoyed it. You do an amazing job of setting up the stage and describing the setting with vivid imager, which really brings the stories to life. I especially liked your setting description in “A hunting accident.” I also appreciated that each story in your portfolio was completely re-imagined with different characters and settings, but just kept the same theme/message from the original story. My favorite might have been the first story, the retake of the jataka. I really liked reading through the jatakas. There’s something very comforting about knowing that most jatakas have morals/messages and poetic justice usually wins. My only recommendation for your site is to add more of a description of each story (though still short) on your introduction page. It might help the readers navigate. Happy writing!
Hey there Andrew! I just had the chance to look at your portfolio page for the class project this semester. I really enjoyed all of your stories that you chose and I liked how you were able to change some things up. You are really great at using some strong descriptive words in your stories and that made all the difference in the world. Maybe you could add some of that style to the introduction of your site to spice it up a bit. My favorite story on your site so far was the Bird Dog and the Eagle. For some reason a few people have decided to chose this story in their portfolios, and I can't complain because that is one of my favorite stories as well. Keep up the good work, especially with your use of descriptive words. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
Hi Andrew! I read your story about the bird dog and the birds. You did a great job giving details so i could easily picture where this story took place. I also really enjoyed your use of dialogue so i could better understand the different personalities of each character. After reading your author's note it was cool to see how you made the story your own and changed it up. your story was captivating from the beginning and your use of dialogue throughout kept me entertained the whole way through. keep up the good work!
Hi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story about the bird dog and the eagle. Well, I did not enjoy the part where all the baby birds were tricked and killed, but you get my point. When it got to the last paragraph, I thought it was your authors note by mistake. I was pleased to find out that the story did not end with the mother bird begging to be killed. You wrote this perfectly. It wasn't over the top and it kept me interested. It was simply a good story. Were the other trees that much better that the baby birds wanted to go so desperately? Or, was it the dog who convinced the first baby bird by talking up the new trees a lot. I cannot imagine the trees would have been too different, but that's a small bone to pick. But, its feedback so I have to write something to reach 150 words. Also, what if the mother bird somehow killed the dog? She probably couldn't do it by force. However, since he tricked her babies, maybe she could trick him into his own death. Overall this was a great read!
Hey Andrew! I just wanted to start off by saying I loved your story! For my first portfolio story I also did a remake of the story "The Cunning Crab and The Crane." However for mine, I replaced the fish with mice and the crane with cats. I really enjoyed the perspective that you brought to the story! The dialogue that you included between the characters really allowed me to dive into the story and relate to the characters. I was devastated when the dog started killing baby birds though... I was also wondering about what was going through the mother birds mind? Perhaps in another story you can talk from the perspective of the mother bird and go into what she was feeling throughout the story. However, overall, I believe you wrote a great story! I can see you put a lot of hard work and imagination into your writing. I hope you have a great weekend and I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your semester! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteWOW Andrew, what a story this was. Right off the bat the stories banner at the top was intriguing and foreshadowed the story great. This story was very descriptive and when you said “the mother bird wanted to migrate to a better tree with more foliage” I was able to picture it in my head. I wonder how the mother bird felt when she found out her babies had been killed by the bird dog? Maybe this can be added to the story, such that you just mention it saying the mother bird was devastated. What if you went into more detail of how the bird dog killed the baby birds. I think that would give some visual additives to the story and could make it even better than it already is! This truly was a great story and I look forward to reading your future stories on your portfolio web page!
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew, I really enjoyed your story! The way you started out with vivid imagery of the red bud tree hooked me. Also, switching to birds from the original story made them seem more gentle. This makes the reader really sympathize with the birds. I also liked how you made the moral very clear at the end. Being direct can be very useful! However, I am wondering why the mother bird agreed to go with the bird dog if she knew what had happened? Maybe, she knew he had taken her babies but not killed them? This part is a little unclear. I am also wondering where the eagle fits into this story. Does the eagle know the mother bird and the dog? How does he know what is happening? However, the way he just happens upon them and helps without any incentive may also serve to develop the eagles character. Good story!
ReplyDeleteHey Andy,
ReplyDeleteFist off the pie thieves was a great story! You really tied the plot from the Narayans Mahabharata perfectly. I was really impressed how close you got it to the original plot with the two boys stealing the pie from the window and not listening to what they should have been doing and connecting it to the brothers drinking from the lake without doing as told. Then in both scenarios being punished. What if when the brother brought the slices of pie back for the brothers their punishment was that they could not taste the pie in the same ways they tasted it previously. And that their punishment was Mrs. Jones pies would never taste the same to them again. Also what if when the boys were about to take some of the pie their conscience spoke to them but they decided not to listen. Anyways this was a great story and I look forward to seeing its progression!
Hi Andrew!
ReplyDeleteI just looked over your portfolio website, and I was quite impressed. The layout is easy to navigation, which I really like. Also, I think that your choice of visuals very cleaver. For example, the image of the dog and the eagle automatically set them up as adversaries. I think it was a nice touch. You did such a good job with details on "The Bird Dog and the Eagle." I had no problem visualizing the environment or the animals. "The Pie Thieves" was just as good. I enjoyed the changes you made, it is so original. You do a good job about keeping the purpose of the original story intact. It is a nice testing of character story. I am curious about what the brothers' names are. Overall, my have done an amazing job, and I look forward to reading more of your stories. Good luck on the rest of your semester.
Hi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteYour website looks very clean and it is easy on the eyes which is what I like. I enjoyed reading your story. I liked how your did not have a lot going being then the page may look messy. You also picked a good image for your story. With this picture the readers can just know who the characters in this story are. I also like that you kept your title straight forward there is no need to guess what the story is going to be about. It was sad when the dog started taking one bird at a time and the poor birds did not know what was really going on. One thing you can make clear is why the mother went with the dog when she knew he has taken her babies? Did the mother assume they were still alive? Over all you have written a good story. I look forward to reading more.
Hi Andrew! Your first story was very creative and I liked how you made it your own. I had some problems with the mother bird though, because I wasn't sure if she knew the truth of what the bird dog had done to her children and was baiting him or if she was also a victim of being deceived. I think that could be a little more clear. I also didn't quite get the bird dog being viewed as the deceived in the end, but maybe that is just a byproduct of not quite understanding the mother bird' role.
ReplyDeleteIn your second story, I like that it contains the usual right versus wrong fable ending where there is a lesson to be learned. It is the type of story that is classic and forever endearing. I do think you could have made the connection to the Mahabharata just a little more obvious. Also your author's note calls the brothers "they" as opposed to the Pandavas brothers so I had to infer that is who you were talking about. I did really like the twist you made to the story - it was very creative and original.
Hey Andrew!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your portfolio and found your stories quite intriguing. I liked your story The Pie Thieves and how close it was to the original plot about the brothers at the lake. I think you did a good job changing it from the original story, but still keeping the overall plot and moral the same. I loved how one of the younger brothers was carrying a fork when they were about to sneak some pie. Also, I wander how the younger brothers felt after they got in trouble because their older brother would still bring home some pie. Also, towards the end of your story maybe you can add a part were the younger boys try to explain themselves on why they didn't just ask Mrs. Jones for some pie. That part could relate to the original to were the brothers reasoning of ignoring the voice and just drank the water in the lake. Overall you did a great job!
Hi Andrew!
ReplyDeleteI am leaving another post about your project website. The first comment was about your other two stories "The Bird Dog and the Eagle", and "The Pie Thieves." I just finished reading your second story and I really like it. It was so sad, but I always like a good cautionary tale. The image you used helped set the scene up nicely. Also, the amount of detail you put into the story helped me visualize the environment Leroy was hunting in. I felt bad for Leroy and the other hunter. So what happens next? I was wondering Leroy's planned to do. Did the hunter survive? The ending is definitely a cliffhanger. Will you write another story about the events that follow? I look forward reading to your next story. So far you are doing an amazing job.
Sup Andy! All I honestly wanted to say was that you did an amazing job for your Portfolio project! I definitely appreciate that you put a description/story list about your project on your home page. The image for your homepage looks great overall! It’s basic and clean but not too messy. I also love the stories that you have created for your portfolio. The images for all three of your stories captures the audience’s interest. It gives a better visual for the audience to take before they start reading your story. I also love how you created The Bird Dog and the Eagle and turned it into a script! Creating a script for your story is, overall, the best thing because that could show the author’s personality and interests which makes it more exciting. Overall, I love the plot of your story that the deceiver will eventually become the deceived because it makes sense! Overall, you did an excellent job. Keep up the great work, Andy!
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew, first off, the count down clock is great, and I like how you've synced up Twitter to your blog. While I had the chance to really all three of your stories, one that really stuck out with me was the hunting story. It's almost a requirement to wear something to distinguish yourself from the game (such as Hunter's Orange), but even more interestingly, I think it gives us all a shared sense of responsibility. The hunter likely should have double checked before he shot, and I think this more modern retelling is a great way to show individual mistake and guilt. I would be interested in seeing what else happens next, but overall, this was a great story! I also really liked the bird dog story. I was curious as to why they trusted him so soon, but I think this was more of a problem that I had with the original story, and not necessarily the retelling of it. I hope you have a great semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Andrew! I went through and looked at your portfolio page. I read through all your stories, and I really enjoyed it. You do an amazing job of setting up the stage and describing the setting with vivid imager, which really brings the stories to life. I especially liked your setting description in “A hunting accident.” I also appreciated that each story in your portfolio was completely re-imagined with different characters and settings, but just kept the same theme/message from the original story. My favorite might have been the first story, the retake of the jataka. I really liked reading through the jatakas. There’s something very comforting about knowing that most jatakas have morals/messages and poetic justice usually wins. My only recommendation for your site is to add more of a description of each story (though still short) on your introduction page. It might help the readers navigate. Happy writing!
ReplyDeleteHey there Andrew! I just had the chance to look at your portfolio page for the class project this semester. I really enjoyed all of your stories that you chose and I liked how you were able to change some things up. You are really great at using some strong descriptive words in your stories and that made all the difference in the world. Maybe you could add some of that style to the introduction of your site to spice it up a bit. My favorite story on your site so far was the Bird Dog and the Eagle. For some reason a few people have decided to chose this story in their portfolios, and I can't complain because that is one of my favorite stories as well. Keep up the good work, especially with your use of descriptive words. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew! I read your story about the bird dog and the birds. You did a great job giving details so i could easily picture where this story took place. I also really enjoyed your use of dialogue so i could better understand the different personalities of each character. After reading your author's note it was cool to see how you made the story your own and changed it up. your story was captivating from the beginning and your use of dialogue throughout kept me entertained the whole way through. keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete