Story at my portfolio site
There was once a community of birds that lived in a beautiful little redbud tree on a farm in Oklahoma. This was the only tree in sight, as this tree was on a farm in the middle of the plains. The community of birds in this tree was once vibrant, but seasons change and birds migrate. Now, in the heart of fall, only a small family of birds remained in the tree. The mother bird wanted to migrate to a better tree with more foliage, but she knew that this would be an arduous journey for her babies.
There was once a community of birds that lived in a beautiful little redbud tree on a farm in Oklahoma. This was the only tree in sight, as this tree was on a farm in the middle of the plains. The community of birds in this tree was once vibrant, but seasons change and birds migrate. Now, in the heart of fall, only a small family of birds remained in the tree. The mother bird wanted to migrate to a better tree with more foliage, but she knew that this would be an arduous journey for her babies.
“There is no way my babies can fly 5 miles to the forest of
thick pecan and oak trees,” said the mother bird.
On this farm also lived an old bird dog. He had been trained
to pick up the scent of birds, capture them, and return their bodies to his
owner back at the farm. All he ever knew was capturing birds. The older birds
were well aware of this. They knew not to trust the old bird dog; they knew to
keep their distance.
One day, the mother bird left to hunt for worms and food for
her babies. The pickings were scarce and she was gone much longer than
expected. This is when the bird dog had an idea.
“Hey baby birds, this tree looks like it has seen better
days. I know there are better trees not far from the farm. Why don’t you go to
them?,” the bird dog asked.
“We can’t fly that far, we are too young,” said the birds.
“Well,” said the dog, “I hate to see you struggle. What if I
could carry you to the trees with thick foliage? The other birds are having so
much fun over there.”
“We may be young, but we know better than to trust a bird
dog,” said the birds.
“I promise you can trust me,” said the dog, “I can even take
one of you to the forest and bring you back unharmed to prove my trust.”
One brave baby bird volunteered. The dog gently took the
bird in his mouth, carried him the 5 miles to the thick pecan trees, and
returned the bird to his siblings unharmed.
“It is so much better over there,” said the bird, “we must
go!”
The trust had been gained. The dog then took a bird, one at
time, and carried its dead body to the farm, as he had been trained to do when
hunting. He repeated this for each and every bird until all the birds were
gone.
When the mother returned, she knew what must have occurred as
the dog’s paw prints were nearby. As a result, she asked the dog if she, too,
could be led to the forest where the dog said the birds were taken. The dog
agreed, as he was secretly planning to capture her too. Off they went to the edge
of the trees.
Along the way, a bald eagle spotted the bird flying very
closely to a bird dog. Never before had he seen a more unusual sight. He
followed closely to observe what the bird dog was trying to do. At the edge of
the trees, it became clear that the baby birds were nowhere to be found. The
dog was clearly trying to capture the mother bird. The eagle was wiser than the
bird dog, and much faster. When the eagle saw the mother bird in danger, he
swooped down and attacked the dog with his mighty talons. The bird dog was no
match for the eagle that was much larger than the birds he was used to, and he
was killed by the eagle’s talons. As the eagle flew the mother bird back to
safety, he said aloud to himself, “those who deceive others always pay for it
in the end.”
Author's Notes: This story is based on the Crane and the Crab story. In my story, I changed the characters to a bird dog, baby birds, and an eagle. I used the same moral for this story, but tweaked the characters and the plot a bit.
Bibliography: The Cunning Crane and the Crab by WHD Rouse
A Bird Dog and a bird of prey. Source: Pixabay
Hello Andrew! I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed your story, I was engaged from the beginning to the end! I thought it was great! I also wrote my story based on The Cunning Crain and The Crab. However, I used cats and mice as my characters. Good luck with the rest of your semester! And keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Andy! I really like the idea of the bird dog and the bird of prey being enemies. It was really creative and interesting. One tiny tweak that could help a reader better understand what is going on, is when the mother returns you state what she knew. Did she know he had killed her babies? Or does she simply think he took them to the other trees? Clarifying this will help the reader better understand what is going on between the mama bird and the bird dog. It was a great story!
ReplyDeleteHey Andy! I like what you did with the story. I often struggle with changing the stories in very dramatic ways, so doing little tweaks can kinda be fun. What was your decision for choosing these particular animals? Is there some sort of symbolic reason you chose them? I really love the image you chose, as well. I think when you find a really good picture that fits with your story, it might be neat to put it in the middle of the text somewhere. It often brings a better image to your reader's mind of what you are describing and also adds a way to visually break up the text, especially if you end up writing a very long story. I look forward to reading more of your stories later in the semester and see how you decide to change things from later readings.
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story, you have written it very well. I really like the part of how all the birds didn’t trust the dog until the dog proved his loyalty to the birds since the mother bird said to be careful. I feel bad for the poor baby birds that trusted the dog and the dog did them wrong. One of your strong points in your story was the dialogue that all the characters had, it was really easy to be part of the story and helped understand it well too for me. Did you consider adding more to the story when the mother bird comes back and doesn’t find her babies. I think any mother would freak out if she knew someone took her babies. One suggestion would be to add more detail into your story but other than that it was special and easy read.
I, mother bird would want to be more part of the story rather than just being in the beginning and end of the story.
Hi Andrew,
ReplyDeleteI think you do a really good job setting the scenery in my mind with your great description of the farm, the trees, and the thick brush on the other side that the mother bird ultimately wants to get to. As an Oklahoma born kid, it seems like this is something I’ve grown far too accustomed too. One thing I’m wondering about is why the mother bird doesn’t tell the babies to never trust the dog no matter what? You do an excellent job conveying mistrust, and it seems likely down to naivety that the birds cave to the dog, but I would think the mother would’ve prepped the babies for any circumstances no matter what. Finally, it might be interesting to extend the idea of the bird dog moving the babies over to simply just having him come back and assert the other ones liked it there, and cut out the middle-trip.
Either way, excellent story, and it was great to read!
Oh no! The poor baby birds. This was a great rendition of the Cunning Crane and the Crab- I enjoyed the new, Oklahoma spin on it (especially the state tree as a setting)and the eventual justice wrought by the watchful eagle. I also appreciated the clear moral the story presents, and how you iterate it at the end. The writing was very easy to follow, and the picture is perfect! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete